What’s love got to do with it?

SO- I can go on and on and on about food, but love? I don’t even know where to start. It’s been a while, and the parallels in the eating issues getting deeper as the love gets shallower or desert-like are uncanny. None of this would matter with a little nookie. People need love and and a purpose. Basta. It’s easy.

BUT - if you isolate yourself from people with food rules and freelance jobs, then how do you find love? Does it just walk in? Does it find you? In the movies it does. I’m writing this and I’m getting annoyed at myself because it all sounds so trite and dramatic at the same time. I guess the easy answer to that one is “join a club, get a real job and let go of the rules”.

For me, NY is a trap. Then why do I remain in the trap? No idea. I say that I don’t want or don’t like full time jobs because I like freedom and holidays. But I don’t really take all that many holidays. I leave alot, unplanned and in cities. AND I love the beach. I have a friend who I have always admired that picked herself up and went to a warm climate and created a life. But I feel like the woman I never wanted to be right now. 40, alone and renting. The woman I want to be is 40, in love, happy and laughs alot. She has long hair, a tan and lots of friends and lots of dinner parties. She is thin, strong and really happy. She is a contribution in her work, and she is busy with things she loves to do. She is also married with kids, a house or 2 and a very big beach.

So what is the problem?

Now I have the info. Now what?

I have asked over 60 people the 3 questions and its funny, I have sent out many a survays in my time and NEVER received so many answers so quickly. People love to talk about 1) themselves and 2) food. Its fun, we all relate and I guess why not.

So now what? The only concIusion have drawn is that people really love and gravitate towards the basics. Whole real foods that are simple. Bread, cheese and avocados were the most popular answers. Another interesting thing was that women will snack before dinner whereas men don’t really understand the concept. The men answered “why would I eat anything if I was going out to dinner?”. How can you explain that.

This has helped me a bit in looking at food cravings a bit closer. I am rediscovering them, but my lasso is loosened a bit to much right now and I am a rebel with no cause… I like a few rules in my food intake. At least now. I think I have to move along to another post and talk about love.

utterly fascinating…

I have expanded the number of people who I have asked the 3 questions to because it is truely fascinating. I am amazed with how people really like “real food”. I thought alot of the favoraite foods would be things like pizza, fries, burgers etc… but they are mostly things like cheese, bread, salad, fish, avocados etc. One word answers and all whole foods.  AND only 1 person has answered chocolate. Funny, chocolate and love are supposed to be  the same thing…

One friend - who I thought had a food issue gave me the clearest answer of all.  When I asked “what do you eat when you don’t know what you want to eat” Her answer was “I always know what I want to eat”. No issue there!

I can’t wait to get more answers… this is really very fun and quite insightful. I’ll expand later on what I am learning - but I will say that there seems to be a big connection between clarity, purity and desire…

food is boring?

What is the point in being obsessed with food and having it try and fill a void if food is actually boring you to tears? I have been keeping a food journal for about 6 weeks now and it seems that all I talk about is how miserable the food makes me feel. And to make it worse, it seems that I eat the same old boring things day after day after day… AND… I’m a trained and very good chef! Interesting. I’m not sure what this all means, but I know the parallels beween love and and food here are pretty uncanny… I just can’t see them all that clearly at this moment. But I know there is alot of valuable information in the food part…

So I started a bit of research. I have asked about 20 people 3 questions.

1) what are your 5 favorite foods?
2) what do you eat when your really hungry and don’t know what to eat?
3) if your hungry but know your going out to eat,  will you have a snack before going out to eat? if so, is it usually the same thing and what would that be?

I have gotten some really amazing answers that have opened my eyes to a lot of things. I realized how much I love lattes, and wont drink them because I wont have soy and will only have nut milk if I make it myself. Of course I rebel so much, the rules are so tight, what else is a girl to do?

when does it end?

I went to my best friends birthday dinner last night in the suburbs. A big and festive party full of married women (most younger than me by a few years, a handful a few years older) all with kids, houses and all that stuff. I pretty much cooked the entire feast, but thats what I love to do, right? It was stressful, I have to admit! I didn’t want to admit it - I like to think that I am cool in the kitchen and laid back. Most of the time, I am. But I was cooking mexican for 20 in a tiny kitchen… not my idea of fun. The setback started while making the guac (i make the BEST guac) and I kept licking my fingers. The 2 glasses of bad wine and then food that I didn’t even want to eat didn’t help and then when dessert came around - I guess I was in “what the hell mode” by then.

So what is it? The fact that they are married and Im not? I know I don’t want to live in the suburbs. I want to think I can sashay between communities with grace and ease. But what is the food filling at that time? The uncomfortable empty feeling of not knowing all the people or not being able to talk about picking my kids up from school? I don’t know the answer to this inquiry. I guess when I do it gets easier. I know that I don’t really like Mexican food and I certainly don’t like Snickers bars and carrot cake… I did a good job at faking that last night!

food or after-food?

So obviously I am in a huge inquiry about food and love. Its all the same stuff anyway. Food and love, love and food. It seems we all try and fill ourselves up with something, anything to feel satisfied. It never works. Someone told me a while ago that the word satisfied comes from the word satan. I have no idea what that means, but it’s interesting none the less! I think it’s hysterical that I know almost better than anyone that diets and fat free food are what made America fat. All eating a box of Snackwells will do is make you bloated and give you gas… it certainly wont make you feel happy or cuddle with you on the sofa.

I haven’t practiced all that much meditation, but I do know that in meditation its all about being empty… or almost empty because you can think better that way and focus better that way. This makes utter sense to me at this moment… filling yourself up with food only makes you think about how full you are and not about what you could be thinking about - like a new project or a new guy - SO its not the food that is the issue - it’s the AFTER food… Did that make any sort of sense to any one but me?

the first post is always the most challenging…

Where does one begin on such a loaded topic? It seems that the connection between love and food would be an easy one to make, right? But it seems it’s taken me almost 40 years to figure it out. As much as I hate to admit that wisdom comes with age, it does. Now Im wise, older and the love and food thing is so in my face that sometimes I can’t even see straight.

I’m currently single, I have never been married (yet), my job is great… and I work for myself. Ironically enough - I teach people how to be healthy and how to cook healthy food. (food as a blessing and a curse is my next post) I have never been enormously successful in work or in business, although I have always been very good at what I do. People around me always say ” I don’t get why your not famous?” or “I don’t understand how you could be single”. But the funny thing about all of this stuff is that it all makes sense. How can there be room for a guy or a successful career when your so busy thinking about not eating or plotting your next binge, or worried that your clothes don’t fit, or concerned that you are going to gain weight? No time and no space for true love in there

And now I’m getting honest. Now, my career is moving along at lightning speed and many of my aspirations are coming to fruition. So is the same thing going to happen for love? Now that I’m