I went to my best friends birthday dinner last night in the suburbs. A big and festive party full of married women (most younger than me by a few years, a handful a few years older) all with kids, houses and all that stuff. I pretty much cooked the entire feast, but thats what I love to do, right? It was stressful, I have to admit! I didn’t want to admit it – I like to think that I am cool in the kitchen and laid back. Most of the time, I am. But I was cooking mexican for 20 in a tiny kitchen… not my idea of fun. The setback started while making the guac (i make the BEST guac) and I kept licking my fingers. The 2 glasses of bad wine and then food that I didn’t even want to eat didn’t help and then when dessert came around – I guess I was in “what the hell mode” by then.

So what is it? The fact that they are married and Im not? I know I don’t want to live in the suburbs. I want to think I can sashay between communities with grace and ease. But what is the food filling at that time? The uncomfortable empty feeling of not knowing all the people or not being able to talk about picking my kids up from school? I don’t know the answer to this inquiry. I guess when I do it gets easier. I know that I don’t really like Mexican food and I certainly don’t like Snickers bars and carrot cake… I did a good job at faking that last night!